Liberty

Defined as the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one's way of life, Liberty will always stand as an American ideal. But, how ideal is it in today's society? We live daily under restrictions meant to keep a peaceful society. We are restricted by rules of conduct at work and in public. Collectively, we all know not to pee in the pool, not to scream at someone while they are serving you, and not to kill someone.

Maybe we should pee in the pool. Sanitation is not an issue, there is more and more chlorine in pool water each year, the balance from when I was a kid to now is ,uh higher. The pool water I swam in as a kid would be considered river water nowadays. I remember, as a kid, my parents  would let us pee in our trunks beside the pool while we hosed ourselves with water. Can't do that anymore it is indecent exposure. Everything is heightened now. Political correctness, activists, and overzealous moms with a complex make our way of life damn near impossible. I can't pee in a pool of bleach in this era, and i couldn't pee in a pool of water back when I was young. Seems to be safer now to pee in a pool. the only reason you don't drink it is because there are worse chemicals in that pool than urine.

Okay, fine. Can't scream at someone while they are serving me. I agree with this one only because I serve people. I am in the retail industry. You all are the reason why I have a roof, clothing, and food for my family. I don't scream at you because it is my job to fix your issue or fulfill your need. So, morally, why would you yell at me or anyone like me? Because it feels good. Something went wrong, and it is easier to blame the fat bald guy at the counter, because he runs this company. That's your mindset. I know this because I am guilty of being the same way.

Killing someone. Hell no. That violates so much in my soul and it should yours too. My God, taking a life outside of the battlefield is dumb. Someway soon, that will come back to bite you. No one ever truly gets away with murder. If the law doesn't get you, your mind will. Then you will never be sane again.

So what is liberty? Loosely define, it is a wonderful ideal. But, I  can't take any liberty I want, and for good reason. Plain and simple, people are not taking our liberties away, liberties are no inalienable. They are a privilege that we all earn being respectful members of society. I can take the liberty to pee in my personal pool, I can yell at that poor kid at McDonald's, and I can take that primal urge to kill when I hunt deer or duck. But I have to earn that pool (privilege), I have to pay for that meal and pray for no snot (privilege/potential karma), and I have to apply for a hunting license and take a background check for a gun (privilege).

Fact of the matter is, we are all given the opportunity to have liberty. Our fore fathers earned theirs, we should earn ours. We shouldn't be handed weapons, and they shouldn't be completely taken away. We shouldn't be given food, we should work for it and buy it. We shouldn't pee in pools, a courtesy to our fellow man.

Life

"In life we are faced with many trials and tribulations. I wish it were easier. As the peaks and valleys find their way into our lives, a man discovers the valleys run deeper as time goes on. This makes the peaks harder to obtain, but much more enjoyable once you reach the summit."

Written above is my version of something my father told me. It takes a village to raise a child, but an army to build a man. So few men in my generation listen to their elders and peers. I draw so much from each and every person I have known. From my kids to my Grandparents, I have learned to live.

Yet, I do not feel alive. The valleys run deeper. Those valleys have become central in my life. The peaks surround me, but any direction I chose seems to lead deeper into said valley. Depression sets in and I am reminded of four generations of mental instability before my own on my mothers side, then I am reminded how little I know about my father's side. Then  I go off tangent and wonder what truly happened?

Eight years ago I met the love of my life. Six years ago we had our first kid. Five years ago we married. Four, we bought a single wide. Three, we had our second kid. Finally, one year ago, we broke the thirty thousand financial barrier. For some, these are accomplishments. Others, well, the others contribute to my valleys and drive me to work harder. But then, how did I get to this point?

Eight years ago, I had college in my cross hairs, Six years ago, I was a new father, Five years ago, I was space bound, a new husband, and on the fast track to management. Four, I got fired. Three, like a phoenix from the ashes I rose back up and took my job back with more pay. Finally, One year ago, I restarted my career at the age of twenty-five. For some, this is a show of drive....oh who cares. Fact of the matter is, life is hard. I wish I could do better with finding a point to this damn entry.

I guess what matters is the one thing. When you figure it out, cherish it. When I figure it out, I may or may not say what it is. It is just that one thing. Stems from a Billy Crystal movie. One thing. You struggle all life to attain it, then you die. Dirt covers you, your kids mourn. Then your grand kid's children look for you on a website devoted to finding your bloodline for a monthly fee.

Honestly, I don't fear death. I fear dying first. what will my family do without me? Sounds selfish, but it is caring. I was born with four grandparents who were evangelists, one who died when I was the same age as my dad when his dad died. Within five years of her death, both sides of my family went to hell. Grandma was friends with my mom's parents. Essentially she was the glue and influence on my mom's side, as well as the matriarch and influence on my dad's side. She is the only person that no one talks down on when she is brought up, and she is known as an angel here almost twenty years since her death.

Same thing happened two years ago with my stepdad's side. Grandpa Mel died and, once again, all hell broke loose. The only difference is that I am an adult in this one, and I get to see the behind the scenes first-hand. Brothers and sisters fighting over habitual nonsense, divorces and separation, infighting (another blog, I promise), and finally disdain.

In the end, I was born into Christianity (Evangelists for God's sake). Because of everything listed above, I feel a thousand miles away from God's influence. I am eternally seeking peaks, but my life is full of obesity, occasional drugs and alcohol, and a load of cigarette smoke. Not to mention high blood pressure, stress, depression, anger, insomnia, passive aggressiveness, and self loathing.

But there is a sun upon those peaks. And I will not vow to quit pizza, smoking, drinking, or tattoos. That's just taboo and cliche. I vow to do right by my wife and kids. Whatever form that takes is for the birds. I just know that I don't want to leave them before they are ready. That's life.

Brothers

The history of my family is a bit foggy. Mostly due to lack of communication and in-fighting. Now, I will not bore you with the in-fighting. (Another blog for another time) My sole purpose here is the amazing generational divide between brothers. For three generations, beginning with my father, the brothers of my clan have had an estrangement for long periods of time. Decades to quarter centuries long, we have chosen to only communicate by phone or by social media.

Personally, I have not seen my brother in five years. We began speaking again around a year ago. My father hasn't seen his brother, to my knowledge, in sixteen years. They speak on the phone every few months. Its sad to see what we have become.

I fear for my children. They are so compared to my brother and I. I see shades of us, the fights they have and the things they do. The similarities are a bit overwhelming. I am working to break the cycle and see them through to a better life. They are five and three years old. If I can plant the seed of brotherhood and the strength of that bond. They may be young, but children are smart. Sponge-like are their brains, I pray that the seed will take and flourish into a great redwood.

My brother and I are just now seeing our mistakes. We have worked hard to rectify them and plan on doing more to strengthen said bond. I truly miss my brother and I believe he misses me. Over the course of our lifetime thus far, we have relied on the friendship of others and called them brothers; neglecting the fact that in kinship, we had brothers all along.

It should be common sense. The movies show brothers as inseparable with a bond stronger than diamonds, even in the face of adversity. Reality shows, when the going gets tough, sometimes that bond can be broken, In severe cases, the bridge is burned permanently. I know in my heart that I will never let that happen. I know in his heart, he would never let that happen. When our parents split, I told him we would always be together. I have learned, through my own sons, I need to keep that promise better. It was supposed to be him and I versus the world. Now we have our own families and we are still so young. Therefore it is our growing families together versus the world. The time we have on this earth is short by comparison, but I believe it will be much more enjoyable with family at your side. Brothers are meant to be there. Always.

It Has Begun

I have a dream that one day I will understand this wilderness in which we all attempt to live. From farmlands to cities, we struggle to survive physically and mentally. My main focus will be on the mental aspect of daily life. The things I wonder about driving home in horrible traffic may appear here. The things I think about in the shower after a long day of work may appear here. No matter the reason, I feel this outlet will help to achieve sanity in today's world. It may be callous, or sarcastic, or intelligent, or maybe even flat out dumb. Grammar may not be a focus point on days where I am tired, drunk, or angry. For that, I apologize.

Ultimately, I want to have what everyone else wants: an opinion the world could share. That's all we want, right? Fortune, Fame, and Notoriety. Well, maybe. I am just trying to find my way to the inevitable in the least stressful way possible without medication.

I try to keep things short and sweet, but 140 characters is too restricting and writing what is on my mind on a wall seems pointless. Then again, who is going to read this? So many Bloggers, Youtubers, and Podcasters clutter the internet with similar content. I may never get more than five followers beyond my wife and parents. I take comfort in knowing that when I am old with dementia, I can find a young man with views I once shared. I may not remember myself, but if I find myself in fifty years and I am able to help that old man through a day, then this blog would at least be a little more self fulfilling.